Welcome to the National Registry of Ducks Named Kevin
U.S. Department of Waterfowl Nomenclature • Est. 2003 • Executive Order 13,242 (the one with the duck)
The NRDNK is the federal database for ducks named Kevin. Founded after the Great Unnamed Duck Incident of 2002 (Appendix B is “temporarily” misplaced), we document every Kevin with scientific rigor and passive-aggressive clipboard staring.
Unregistered Kevin? This is your moment. Come forth voluntarily. There are no fines, just paperwork. Our love language is documentation.
About the Registry
The National Registry of Ducks Named Kevin (NRDNK) was established pursuant to Executive Order 13,242 — Ensuring the Orderly Identification and Tracking of Waterfowl Named Kevin — signed on March 14, 2003, at 9:17 AM, after a brief interagency debate over whether “Kevin” counts as infrastructure. The Registry operates under the authority of the U.S. Department of Waterfowl Nomenclature and is funded through the annual Migratory Bird Tax, plus whatever coins people throw into fountains with Kevins in them (these are, regrettably, federal revenue).
All ducks named Kevin within U.S. territorial waters and their adjacent ponds, lakes, canals, decorative fountains, and the koi pond at the Reston Town Center must be registered within 90 days of naming. Failure to comply is a civil infraction subject to penalties of up to $500 per unregistered Kevin and mandatory enrollment in a half-day Waterfowl Awareness Seminar (100% attendance, 0% satisfaction, 110% folding chairs). Please note: the Seminar is not about awareness for ducks. It is awareness of ducks.
Public Notice — February 2026
The Registry is currently experiencing higher-than-normal call volume due to spring migration season. If your Kevin has changed ponds, please update their address of record using Form NRDNK-7 (Change of Habitat). Do not update a Kevin’s record until the Kevin has physically arrived at the new pond. We cannot register intentions, vibes, horoscopes, or “he looked at that pond once and got quiet.”
Additionally, feeding bread to a registered Kevin without logging the event is a reporting violation. Sourdough and pumpernickel must be logged separately. Brioche remains under review (and yes, we can tell; the crumbs have a distinct smugness). Please allow 5–7 business days for the Portal to recognize you have always been the Portal’s user.
Frequently Cited Regulations
- § 4.01 — A duck may not be named Kevin retroactively. The name must be given before registration, not after. (The Registry has received multiple applications where the name was assigned “just now” in the margin. This is not a loophole; it is handwriting.)
- § 7.12 — A single body of water may not contain more than four (4) Kevins at any time without a Density Variance Permit (Form NRDNK-DV1). This limit was established following the Prospect Park Incident of 2014, which the Registry describes as “an avoidable Kevin clustering event.”
- § 9.03(b) — Bread consumption events must be logged within 48 hours. The Registry does not accept estimates, guesses, or “vibes.” We do accept vibes on Form NRDNK-VIBE-2, but it’s currently backordered pending a vibes shortage.
Recent Registry Activity
Kevin
KV-0411 • Jan 15, 2026
Muscovy Duck (Cairina moschata)
Unknown (last known: Austin, TX)
Missing
Last seen consuming an unauthorized pumpernickel crouton near the rowing dock. Has not responded to his name since January 9. Has not responded to any name. If sighted, do not approach (he knows what he did). Call 1-800-555-KEVIN.
Kevin
KV-2847 • Feb 12, 2026
Mallard (Anas platyrhynchos)
Reflecting Pool, Washington D.C.
Registered
Newly registered. Initial bread preference assessment pending. Subject has been observed near a Panera; this remains unconfirmed and, legally speaking, “alleged.” Please refrain from offering croissants to influence testimony.
Kevin
KV-2831 • Jan 30, 2026
Pekin Duck (Anas platyrhynchos domesticus)
Piedmont Park, Atlanta, GA
Verified
Annual wellness inspection completed. Weight: 6.1 lbs. Beak condition: satisfactory. Described by field agent as “polite but evasive,” like someone who knows the bread is in your pocket but respects the paperwork for now.